Through all of my life
I waver back and forth between
A belief and not
Believing in anything
In any solid shape
The unfettered mind
A deeper understanding that holds nothing
That lets sounds come in the ear
And just pass through without deciding what it was
If it was a jet or a dragon
It was merely a sound without a name or a picture
It was every possible thing at once
I barely ever get to be in this state
Just quick flashes by surprise
When I'm like standing by a car
Squinting my eyes
Caught off guard and unpicturesque
I used to sing this one song all the time
That I made up to try to cut through
When I'd find myself caught up
Entranced in certainty
Staring at a hill
And it went:
"Let's get out of the romance"
Over and over
"Let's get out of the romance"
"Please can I go through this life
Unscared to see that nothing stays the same"
"No one knows anything."
When I was younger and didn't know
I used to walk around basically begging the sky
For some calamity to challenge my foundation
When I was young
So imagine what it was like to watch up close a loved one die
And then look into the pit
I lived on the edge of it
And had to stay there
Joanne Kyger said:
"We fight incredibly through a hideous mishmash of inheritance
Forgiving for deeper stamina
That we go on
The world always goes on
Breaking us with its changes
Until our form, exhausted, runs true."
♪
Out of nowhere love returned
I saw what looked like a god who walks among us
I met her, we fell so in love
She is angelic, miraculous, I totally lost my mind
And poured everything into this sea, this ocean
And when I came to I saw my face in a store window's reflection
And there was fear behind those eyes
Now I'm back where I was when I was 20
Trying to stop clinging to a dream
And let an old idea of love dissipate
Back into formless rolling waves
Of discomfort and uncertainty
The true state of all things
I want to wade out into dark water
Hand in hand with you
I played this song for you and all you heard were the words
"Discomfort and uncertainty"
You asked "How do we get back to how it was?"
And that's when I started to know
That I might be in it alone
Devoted to an unknown
Homelessness enthroned
Us and the kids all wind-blown
Courageous as bone
Lying down in a storm
Steadfast, newborn
A house with no door
Exhausted form
In your eyes I found home
I believed you and dove
And oh my god
When we swam together for a little bit