I showed up for school with my soul in my pocket
The sisters was wearing a cross and a locket
And a grimace that told me I'd never be welcome
Dungeons and Dragons would send me to hell
Some kid in the bathroom, between the bells ringing
Shared with me how he made peace with the demons
The advice that he gave me was written on paper
Passed between him and another tenth grader
Six simple words
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
The principal asked me how I had achieved it
I turned it around from a dunce to a genius
He wondered if I had been bribing the teachers
Or copying homework down under the bleachers
I told him that I had found God in my own way
In tablets, and horns, and the boys in the hallway
The head of the class, and I'm writing a speech
It'll be the best one that you ever did read and it's
Six simple words
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Beelzebub is full of love
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
My family's gathered in a circle
I'm 95, and I've lived a good life
My grandson, he hovers around to my bedside
He asks if I have any words of advice for him
And I do, listen in closely
Come on in close, I'll speak it softly
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Be gay, do drugs, hail Satan
Beelzebub is full of love
Be gay, do drugs
And ha-il, hail satan
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