One fine day I went to the Doctor's
To get some anti-acne cream
He saw I was depressed and said
"Life's not as hard as it might seem
I know that being an adolescent
Is not particularly pleasant
But if you had a worthwhile hobby
You'd soon forget about your body"
"What sort of thing did you have in mind?"
I asked Doctor Grice
"Well anything like stamp collecting
Or breeding fancy mice
Now that's something that I used to do
It helped me when I was feeling blue
They're economical to keep
And they will help you to escape from misery"
I thanked the Doctor and I went
To the Citizens' Advice Bureau
I asked about the National Mouse Club
And they gave me all the info
I wrote to the NMC
And said I'd join if they'd let me
Two days later if I remember
They wrote back - I was a member
In the yearbook was the address
Of a man who lived near me
An experienced breeder and former
President of the NMC
I rang and asked him if I could
Come and see his fancy stud
He said "Of course you can young man
Come at once", so off I rang
In the darkened cellar
There were rows and rows of boxes
In them there were Pink-Eyed White Mice
Creams and Silver Foxes
One by one we looked at them
Discussing every specimen
The kind man told me everything he knew
About fancy mouse breeding
Finally I left his house
But not empty-handed
He'd given me some Pink-Eyed Whites
Of National Mouse CLub Standard
I took them home and put them in
A box covered with wire netting
I gave them lots of Sunflower seed
And hoped that they would start to breeder
Two weeks passed and then at last
One of the does got fatter
I knew that in a week or so
That mouse would be a mother
I put her in a separate cage
And gave her lots of food and hay
I kept notes in my Mouse Diary
Of how she was progressing each day
So proud was I of the pregnany
I felt I was the father
I must admit but I couldn't help it
I began to fall in love with her
Oh many hours we spent together
Whileshe prepared for her litter
I knew that she should be called a name
And instantly I thought of Jane
Three days later Jane gave birth
To several baby mice
They were pink and hairless
But me and Jane thought they were nice
We watched them grow up each day
And helped them cope with puberty
And when they had reached adulthood
They mated with each other to improve the stud
Eventually my best young mice
Were good enough for showing
So I went to the next mouse show
And soon my pride was glowing
For in the Pink-Eyed White section
My mice caused a sensation
The mouse judge couldn't believe his eyes
And gave my two mice first and second prize
For three years I bred my mice
And prizes they kept winning
But still my favourite mouse was Jane
Though she was old and skinny
One cold night at feeding time
I opened her box just in time
To see her lying in the cage
She was dying of old age
I picked her up and wrapped her
In a piece of cotton wool
She was still alive
But she looked terribly ill
I sat up with her all night
But fell asleep until the light
Of morning filled my nursery
And woke me up, oh misery
Jane lay in her woolly bed
As silent as a stone
For she had passed away that night
Now I was all alone
I ran out into the road
And cried that I was on my own
At last I reached the countryside
Beneath a tree I sat and cried and cried
All day long I lay beneath the tree
And thought of Jane
At last I rose and started walking
Down a country lane
I head a shout and saw there was
A pretty girl up on a horse
I looked at her body and hair
And suddenly I didn't care