I've been going out with a girl Her name is Julie But last night she said to me when we were watching telly (This is what she said) She said, "Listen John, I love you, but there's this bloke I fancy I don't want to two-time you so it's the end for you and me" "Who's this bloke" I asked her "Gordon", she replied "Not that puff", I said dismayed "Yes, but he's no puff" she cried ("He's more of a man than you'll ever be") (Here we go, 2, 3, 4!) I was so upset that I cried All the way to the chip shop And when I came out, there was Gordon standing at the bus stop (And guess who was with him? Yeah Julie, and they were both laughing at me) Oh, she is cruel and heartless Two packed me for Gordon Just 'cause he's better looking than me Just 'cause he's cool and trendy But I know he's a moron Gordon is a moron Gordon is a moron Gordon is a moron! (Here we go 2, 3, 4!) Oh, she's a slag And he's a creep She's a tart He's very cheap She is a slut He thinks he's tough She is a bitch He is a puff Yeah, yeah It's not fair Yeah, yeah It's not fair (I'm so upset) I'm so upset I'm so upset Yeah, yeah (I ought to smash his face in) (Yeah, but he's bigger than me isn't he?) (I know, I'll get my mate Barry to hit him, he'd flatten him) (Yeah, but Barry's a mate of Gordon's isn't he?) (Oh well, I don't care) I don't care I don't care 'Cause she's a slag and he's a creep She's a tart, he's very cheap She is a slut, he thinks he's tough