I come down the steps I slip on the ice Santa claus been looking Who's been naughty Who's been nice I'm looking for one thing real tonight And jesus he comes up to me Jesus he sits down He says take this fucking cross off my back I'm going downtown I said oh ain't that your uniform He offers me a toke He says two thousand years is long enough For this particular joke He says i'm lookin' for one thing real tonight And i'm up here singing These songs every night Sometimes i wanna just make 'em all Up on the spot Maybe they wouldn't rhyme too good And they might not make sense But then at least i wouldn't be Repeating myself I'm looking for one thing real tonight And you're the one i've chosen And i guess you've chosen me Let's turn off the commercials Let's turn off the tv How well can we get to know Each other in an hour We can fight the daylight We have that power I'm looking for one thing real tonight And van gogh sits next to me With a bucket full of paste He rips off my ear and says Glue this to my face I'd like to leave america For someplace where they would Not know a word of english And i might be understood I'm looking for one thing real tonight