Well here's a little story, that started out at dawn
With a morning-after Blatz-binge beer-breath yawn
We got de guns, de dog, and de camo coat
Hey Sweeney are ya ready? Cripes Shad – you know it!
Today were goin' after, a different kind of meat
Yah, dey come with green heads! Yeah, and big orange feet!
Well they're fast so if ya see 'em, you'll need a little luck
You know we're talkin' 'bout huntin' fer de Mallard Duck!
Well I love to kill ducks – and I'm a huntin' fanatic
I use an over-under – I got a semi-automatic
Even though we compete, we do our huntin' together
And we have our best luck in de cold and crappy weather
To help us with our huntin', we brought my dog Bruce
'Cause he's a champion hunter! Awww, he smells like a moose!
Hey! Ya gotta like Bruce – he's a great retriever
And like Sweeney and me, he has Mallard Duck fever!
We were trompin' through the marsh, as de sun was comin' out
Hey, ya think we'll see some mallards? Yah guy! No doubt!
I know a secret spot, if you don't mind de muck
Hey, I'll wade through Bruce's crap if it guarantees a duck!
We found de perfect place and threw de decoys in de water
We made a blind behind the brush and got set fer de slaughter
We were ready fer action – set fer de attack
So Shad grabbed de call and went quack – quack – quack!
I was quackin' and callin', and my eyes were peeled wide
And I was sittin' on de dog 'cause the varmint wouldn't hide!
Hey! My dog has a gift – he finds dead ducks with ease
Last week he fetched me a trophy! Last week he gave me de fleas!
Well never mind that, ders somethin' comin' are way
Better take it off safety, for crimeny cry-hey!
Holy Crap! Check it out! Dat's de biggest I seen!
I'd swear it was a goose, but de head is dark green!
De mallard flew overhead, from behind, real fast
Hey! He's getting' away, guy! Shoot him in the ass!
De 12-guage went off and de duck went down
If de shot didn't kill him, he'll sure 'nough drown
The dog flew in de water – Yah, I hope he brings him back!
Oh ya know if he does, he gets a Scooby Snack!
Well he brought back a beauty! And what did it produce
A roast duck dinner and a bone for ol' Bruce!