The functional member of society Fixes dysfunctions Fixed my car Fixed my art Fixed the price Fixed my vice Made me a functional member of society Make me function, so functional The functional member of sobriety Fixed me a drink A shot of methadone So I won't think A low tar cigarette To cut down the threat Of making me A functional member of sobriety Mr. Function, what's your gumption Spreading the word of conditioned corruption Mr. Function, a revolution is beginning to form At the D.C. junction The functional member of hilarity Is on the TV Now I can sit at home And be told how to be How to wear my coat How to righteously vote Ain't gonna be a functional member Of hilarity Nobody gonna pull me down Nobody gonna push me around Nobody gonna push me