Later on, when I get old I'll buy myself a better home One that's better than where I now live One that doesn't smell like shit And it will have a garden too With tulips for me to tip-toe through I'll keep my yard so nice and clean As not to upset the community ♪ I'll have you know, this is my only goal To have my house inside their centerfold I can see it now, a two-page spread In Better Homes and Gardens ♪ I'd love to be in that magazine Showing off my favorite recipes Removing rust from garbage cans Would make me the proudest man But it will take a lot from me I can't even keep my own room clean I know that one day I'll see my face In Better Homes and Gardens ♪ Whoa! ♪ I'll have you know, this is my only goal To have my house inside their centerfold I can see it now, a two-page spread In Better Homes and Gardens