The bearded lady is a man in a dress Docker's arms and a stubbly chest The dog faced boy is a puppy in a pram The astounding blob a slightly overweight man The giant is a bloke standing on a box Wearing a really long coat The push me-pull you is a stag's head Strapped to the arse of a goat It's the worst sideshow ever It's the worst sideshow ever Have you ever seen a worse one? NEVER! It's the worst sideshow ever The collection of pickled punks floating in their jars Well it's just pickled gherkins with fake eyes and ears A girl with a built up shoe She wandered in one day They told her she was a natural And persuaded her to stay It's the worst sideshow ever It's the worst sideshow ever Have you ever seen a worse one? NEVER! It's the worst sideshow ever The ex military amputee He lost both legs below the knee He uses his stumps for cricket Calls himself the human wicket (How's that?!) Lady caterpillar is a girl in a sleeping bag She looks so bored as she wriggles round the floor It makes me aaaghh aaaaghh AAAAGHHH It's the worst sideshow ever It's the worst sideshow ever Have you ever seen a worse one? NEVER! It's the worst sideshow ever The worst sideshow ever A total waste of cash The worst sideshow ever Demand your money back!