You've made a generous offer and while I wish I could accept it
I'm afraid to say you've asked me on imperfect information
I'm a danger to you and others and while I'd love to be your girlfriend
There is something you should know that introduces complications
There's no easy way to say this but I think that I'm a vampire
My teeth are getting pointy and I stay up late at night
I don't think that you could take it if I turned into a vampire
So you'll have to find a different date to prom
I have mixed feelings about this entire situation
Now that I know what's happening I do feel some relief
Though I hate to have to hurt you but I know that you will thank me
When my horrific and powerful transition is complete
There's no easy way to say this but I think I'm a zombie
I am feeling rather sluggish and getting bored with normal food
I don't think that you could take if I turned into a zombie
So you'll have to find a different date to prom
You might think that there's a different explanation
For these symptoms in a normal phenomenon
You might think that I'm getting strange ideas
From the books I read or the forums I post on
But those are excuses
Crazy ideas you're coming up with because you're scared
This relationship is over
I can't be with you, you should be glad that you've been spared
There's no easy way to say this but I think that I'm Cthulhu
I am longing for the ocean and so very, very tired
I don't think you could take if I turned into Cthulhu
So you'll have to find a different date to prom
Please just ask a different girl to prom