Ten-finger Johnny on the first day of July
He loved the seasons grand displays of fireworks in the sky
Way, hey, tooraloora ley!
And, so he drove across the stateline
To the firework stand
He came back with a string of firecrackers in his hand
He struck a match and light them up
And everybody ran
Except for Johnny!
Way, hey, boom and up she goes!
Six-finger Johnny on the second of July
And his need for large explosions still had not run dry
Way, hey, tooraloora ley!
So he went walking down mainstreet
With two m-eighties he had found
And set them off in the gazebo at the center of the town
And when the fuse began to sputter
No one stood around
Except for Johnny
Way, hey, boom and up she goes!
Three-finger Johnny on the third day of July
Jonsing for the ultimate in pyrotechnic highs
Way, hey, tooraloora ley!
He tied a brick of Johnny rebs
Onto a model model plane
And then he doused the whole shebang in ninty-three octane
It flew straight up
And straight back down
But nobody was maimed
Except for Johnny
Way, hey, boom and up she goes!
One-point-five-limb Johnny on the fourth day of July
Hopped to the construction site to give it one last try
Way, hey, tooraloora ley!
Inside the foreman's trailer
Was a case of dynamite
Johnny held a zippo 'tween his toes and set it burnin bright
The foreman saw the sparks begin
And everyone took flight
Except for Johnny
Way, hey, boom and up she goes!
They buried Johnny on the fifth day of July
And everyone in town showed up to say their last goodbyes
Way, hey, tooraloora ley!
And though they knew he was a moron
Noone could dispute
The depth of Johnny's dedication to his lifes pursuit
And sixty-seven Roman candles fired off in salute
To the sixty-seven pieces left of Johnny!
Way, hey, boom and up she goes!