It's not December
It's barely even November
Outside it's still too warm for snow to fall
Halloween was yesterday
And winter's still a ways away
But try to tell that to the folks down at the mall
Inside's a winter wonderland
I'm sorry, I don't understand
'Cause mistletoe on Veteran's Day seems wrong
But the shops are filled with Christmas cheer
And on the speakers, all you hear
Is the way-too-early Christmas song
Leaves just started changing
But the stores are rearranging
Their décor to wintry Christmas themes
See the red and green displays:
"Just 58 more shopping days"
And cardboard elves are planting plastic trees
Jesus in his manger cradle
Plus a little token dreidel
In a big display next to the Cinnabon
With three wise men and gifts they bring
Just plug them in, and they all sing
The way-too-early Christmas song
I know you need to satisfy your investors
But couldn't you wait at least until the Savior's third trimester?
Finally, just outside the Master-Cuts
Was Santa, and that fat bastard's
"Ho ho ho"-ing drove me up the wall
Something snapped, I lost control
And kicked him square in his North Pole
And as he dropped, I decked him in his halls
So, my friends, I wish you well
From the mall security holding cell
I hope that they don't keep me here too long
May you and yours find peace and love
Unless you are the writer of
The way-too-early Christmas song