EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY
BRUCE BANNER
VERSUS
BRUCE JENNER
BEGIN
(Bruce Banner)
I'll school you in this battle of the baddest Bruce
With your He-Man haircut and your Daisy Dukes
I hear you're good at running; you're just like the Flash
Especially in the 100 meter ditch-your-wife dash
I'm an ace in the lab; acid, base and treble
So let me break you down on a molecular level
You turned one gold medal to a lifetime of green
The most overrated athlete anyone's ever seen
You need to carry fatherhood across that finish line
(Urgh!) kept up with the Kardashians, but left some kids behind
Now run along, you'll thank me 'cause I'm getting kinda cranky
Amd trust me, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
(Bruce Jenner)
I think you're in your element when you're behaving badly
Honestly, you're kinda boron when you're happy
I'll lap and pass your assistance ten different ways
Decathlon athlete, blast through you like some gamma rays
The truth is, there's truce between the Bruces
You're a drifter being useless; I'm a winner no excuses
(Uh!) beautiful women all up on my jock
I got a home gym; check me on a cereal box, Doc
You big green freak don't try to flex
If it wasn't for your cousin, you'd never have sex
(Oh!) you're so strong when you get mad
Too bad you can't go back and protect you mom from your dad
Transition sequence
(The Hulk)
URRRGH! THAT PAINTED FACE DON'T GIVE YOU CLASS
JUST ONE MORE THING BRUCE DO FOR CASH
BEST THING YOU MAKE: KYLIE ASS
SHE EIGHTEEN? HULK SMASH!!!
(Caitlyn Jenner)
That's my teenage daughter, man, I have to forbid this
I'll put a javelin through your jolly green discus
Kylie not the type of girl I'mma let you smash on
You'll get the medal without the decathlon
(The Hulk)
ARRGH! HULK IS HULK; NO IDENTIFY AS MAN
ME THINKS CAIT MIGHT UNDERSTAND
NO GENDER ISSUE; THIS JENNER ISSUE
JUST YOU BEING YOU IS ENOUGH TO DISS YOU!!!
(Caitlyn Jenner)
Look I understand that you hate yourself
But you don't need to blame yourself
You're a tiger, stop trying to tame yourself
You gotta be big enough to contain yourself
And get hit with a little forgiveness
Be green it ain't none of my business
But if you think you're looking good in those torn ass clothes
You're lying which means you need a new wardrobe
(Aw!) the vision of those shorts kinda scarred me
What'd you just rage at a Barney-themed party?
That's probably not something you seen as a child
Not one day did you see your daddy smile
Hulk not strong enough to deal with denial
Laying you down, easy, that's kitchen tile
Examine this under your microscope
You got no neck but you still fucking choked
After battling me, you're gonna always be pissed
So the Hulk will stay forever; neither Bruce will exist
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE
EPIC RAP BATTLE (RAP) BATTLE (BATTLE) OF HISTORY