EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
Thomas Jefferson!
Versus
Frederick Douglass!
BEGIN!
When in the course of human events
It becomes necessary for a battle to commence
Then KPLOW!
I hit 'em with the witness of my quill
I'm endowed!
With certain unalienable skills...
Let me run down my resume, will ya?
Set up a little place called the United States
Sound familiar?
I told King George he could eat a fat dick!
When it comes to declarations, I'm the first draft prick!
I'll topple any tyrant, so kings and pirates beware!
I'm so down with revolutions, I invented the swivel chair
I've many volumes on my shelves, it's true
But I've yet to read the three books you wrote about... YOU!
Looking like a skunk in a three piece suit!
Didn't come back from Paris to battle Pepe Le Pew!
First Secretary of State, VP number two
Not to mention Third President...
The fuck'd you do?
You finished?
Okay...
Straight outta Bondage!
A brainy muthafucka here to diss you!
Big hair, big nuts, big issues!
Starting with your nickel
There's a real declaration
Heads for racist
Tails for slave plantation
You're a soft white Monticello Marshmallow
Watching my people sweat while you sat playing cello
Hello!
But now you're facing me, Freddy D!
I'd never work for your ass, but I kick it for free
Oh!
Your stone face on Rushmore ain't nothing
Check my photos, now that's real muggin'!
The face of a free man
Taught himself to read, man
No compromise
You couldn't whoop a fifth of me, man!
You got a self evident truth on your own
You let freedom ring, but never picked up the phone!
Aw, Frederick...
I've never heard a verse I dug less
Alright, I admit it, I confess
I participated in a broken system that I hated
But I needed to keep my financial status situated
And the words I used were "Hideous blot"
To describe the slave trade and the pain it hath brought
And I fought to stop the trade of new slaves in Virginia
When I ran the whole state and still made it home for dinner
So forgive me, I was busy
Man, I had a lot to do
But we did it, you're free now
So... We cool?
This ain't Louisiana man, I ain't buying it
You talk about freedom, but you ain't applying shit
So no, we ain't cool!
You founding absentee father
You had six babies with your slave mama, and never even bothered
To free her when you died
On the 4th of July
It's a very important holiday
But what the fuck does it mean to this guy?
'Cause I celebrate December 6th, 1865
The day the 13th damn ammendment was ratified
And I cease to be an alien to your unalienable rights
And "We the people" stopped meaning
"We the people who are white"
Man, you did some good things, I ain't denying your fame
I'm just saying
They need to put an asterisk...
Next to your name
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP RAP RA-RA RAP RA-RA-RA-RA RAP RA-RAP
BATTLES! BATTLES! BATTLES!
OF HISTORY!