Epic Rap Battles of History!
Harry Potter
Versus
Luke Skywalker
Begin!
Accio mic! Let me fire up the wand
Like Hermione and Ron, I'm about to get it on
'Cause my mouth spits hot like incendio flames
You're Lukewarm, like some Tauntaun remains
Even the mad eye of my man Alastor Moody could see
Your franchise only has two decent movies
Search your feelings, do sense déjà vu?
You're getting smoked like your Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru
Your acting is flat and your raps are 2D too
Bugger off to the afterlife where you're fat and see-through
You're the biggest letdown in your series since Snoke
It makes sense your father's Vader, all you do is choke
You country bumpkin, you must be dumb
Who farms moisture on a desert planet with two suns?
Let me stick my plans in your Dusty Bin droid
I'll leave you like a Horcrux split up and destroyed
I don't know who made you shoot first, but that missed
If I was you I'd have a bad feeling 'bout this
I'm a rhyming Jedi like my father before me
You're talking hat shoulda put you in Gryffindorky
Your origin story is mostly stolen from me
You might be Potter, but Harry, I planted your seed
Let's see little orphan raised by relatives in solitude
Suddenly gets taken under wing of funky wizard dude
Learns that he's been destined to have powerful gifts
But between the two of us I think I got the cooler stick (Swing it)
My mic saber cuts through you so slicey
Leave you on the floor like an arm at Mos Eisley
Hit you with the Wampa raps, I get icy
Land'em in your face like (That'll do nicely)
I fly the X-Wing to save a planet from massacre
You fly a broom like some kind of magical janitor
Your Dumble-dweeb army likes to think that you're the best
All you did was use your mom like a bulletproof vest
The death of my mother saved the wizarding race
Your mum died of heartache when she saw your face
You swamp school dropout! You're too whiney to rhyme
At least when I Slytherin a sister, she isn't mine
I'm the boy who lived, a bestseller without equal
I'll split you like your fan base's feelings 'bout the prequels
The sequels brought you back to meet your demise
I'd say you were brilliant, but I must not tell lies
I left J.K. straight Rowling in cash
You let J.J. compact your character to trash
So go on, try and force more of your disses
You're like a Stormtrooper, 'cause all your shit misses
(Beep boop beep)
That's right R2, It does sound like he left all his fire in the goblet
(Boop beep beep)
Haha! Maybe he will get rescued by an anorexic hobbit
I think it's pretty clear that you and I are pretty different
My drive's hyper, your drive's Privet
I've got more rhymes than sand grains on Tatooine
You couldn't pull in the win with a tractor beam
I crushed an empire a galaxy large
I blew up the Death Star you blew up Aunt Marge
I'll pop you where Poppy Pomfrey can't be healing you
Unlike a great disturbance in the Force, I'm not feeling you
Death would eat you up without Hermione and luck
Because your own skills Wingardium Levio-suck
You're a dud like Dursley, but worse
And I'd rather herd nerfs than have to endure your third verse
Have you heard rap before? That was not dope at all
Maybe have Goldieballs show you the protocol
But I bet you're just distracted, you got a lot on your plate
On one hand the rebellion, on the other hand- oh wait...
I roll deep and the Weasley's got my back
This muggle sucks more hole than the bloody Sarlacc
We'll rough you up good if you try to step to Harry, mate
You're the least intimidating twin since Mary-Kate
I flow like butterbeer on Diagon streets
You can find me getting fantastic on these beats
It's over Luke, I got the high ground advantage
I'll close it like a map, Mischief Managed
You should have Hagrid fly you home on his moped
If I wanted teenage wizardry I'd call Selena Gomez
My attack tactics are galactically hardcore
Far more than your goofy little Scar Wars
I learned flow from the best in the biz
(Get funky)
So of you, the end this is
(Maclunkey)
My Jedi mind tricks put the nix on your Imperius
Trip you up like deathsticks, I'm Bellatrix dead Sirius
No need to Expelliarmus, you're harmless in a duel
Call me the Hogwarts Express, I just took you to school
Who Won?
Who's Next?
You Decide!
Epic Rap Battles of History!