Epic Rap Battles of History!
Mansa Musa versus Jeff Bezos!
Begin!
Wallah, by the holy Quran I lay my hand upon
I blaze Bezos, inflict inflammatory damage on
Amazon, burn it down like when they put the cattle on
The hottest on the map since the Atlas of Catalan
The King of Mali, with gold bars you can't escape from
Lyrically, I pack heat, you pack a tape gun
I'm landing blows you can't dodge, this ain't sales tax
I left footprints in the Sahara, I know hot tracks
I bust dorks like dot com bubbles when I hit 'em
Nah, you can't spit, you got that Al Gore rhythm (ha-ha!)
Here's a nugget of advice to get your union problems handled
Want workers that don't piss? Hire some camels
I expanded horizons with libraries and mosquеs
While you chopped off the top of all thе mom and pop shops
All you widened was the gap between the haves and have-nots
Now they ordering a living in your cardboard box!
At Amazon, our product research is phenomenal
But I've never heard your story, and I own Audible!
So go dig some more gold there, Kanye West Africa!
I'm hotter than the soundtrack to Battlestar Galactica!
Never trade blows with jazzy Jeff Bezos
Egghead with a huge set of huevos
I serve more people on the web than Spider-Man
You rap like a soccer mom, that's why you roll with caravans
You're overrated like you leave economies inflated
You're about to taste some of that salt that you traded
What's the long-term play in giving your wealth away (hey?)
'Cause now I feed your whole country
For the price of a cup of coffee per day!
So bow to me like you did to the king of Cairo
You're 'bout as hack as Saudis tapping my iPhone
You'll be more ashamed than when you accidentally killed your mom
When I make you shit your pants worse than Diapers dot com
Ayo, Lex Loser, you look like a villain at Comicon
You gettin' ate up, you should've battled me on Ramadan! (Woo!)
A harem of women is what I had on my staff
You married one woman, Jeff, and she cut you in half (shinck!)
David Pecker picked a pack of your peter pics
Now your new girl got them "Feed me, Seymour" lips
And it turns out, her own brother was the snitch
He, woo, fixed your face, no wonder you bought Twitch (woo!)
Now let me really break it down because there's more to him
He ain't a Bezos, his real name is Jørgensen
Hah, but daddy loved unicycles more than him
So he rolled out, now that's a Blue Origin!
Take one small step towards a different prophet
'Cause these days you just as cocky as your rocket
I'm the cream of the crop, I'm on top, I'm ice cold
This Muslim just served you, Allah mode
Musa, I'm lyrically lethal, I'm relentless, African verse-immune
If I wanted to waste my life on desert space, I'd watch Dune!
What did I give to MacKenzie, 40 billion? So what?
Earning every penny back only took me a month!
I went from haunted dork to slick orc physique
Now I'm Lord of the Rings, take a peek! (Ha-ha!)
Three years to trek to Mecca? Man, you must be trippin'
One click, I'll get you there overnight with free shippin'!
I'm hard corporate, top tier in the Forbes list
You couldn't even hit top tier in Civ 6!
I'm schooling you like Timbuktu, eating you like Whole Foods
Your ship has sailed just like the dude who came before you!
'Cause you ain't fire, can't hold a candle to me
I got the Flywheel flows, I revolutionized delivery
Your talent's awfully puny like my tax bills
Alexa, what do we have that he lacks? Skills (hahahaha!)
Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!
Epic Rap Battles!
Of History!