I woke up today feeling like a new man
Hopped out of bed, lit a clip, untied Susanne
Told her I was sorry about last night, no hard feelings
I tend to drunk drive in the parks and harm children
Tryna decide if I'm already dead and hallucinatin' or
Plugged into a computer and livin' through the Matrix
Nowadays it's hard to figure out who the saint is
And who the sinner is, truthfully I don't give a shit
I'm still stalkin' my ex-girlfriend when she goes to work
In Justice,
Lookin' sus and frontin' like I'm lookin' through the shirts
Met a bum, lent him money then sold him life insurance
Assured him he needed it and tried to convince his wife to work
Sometimes life is better when you light the purp, or
Sprite and syrup might just work
I'm harder than the ground is when you bite the curb
And I like to flirt with old women at retirement homes
While they was trying to get their Skype to work
I'm into paintin' pictures in the mirror tryna fix myself
Or dressing up as a bitch and tryna kiss myself
Sometimes I like to make rap songs tryna diss myself
Wake up in the morning and jerk off cuz I miss myself
I just pissed myself, think I need some help with my evil self
Went to a shrink but it was just me, myself
Confessin' shit that I already knew
But why need somebody else when there's already Lou? Check
I fix my chakra sippin' vodka tryna fist a rocker
Killed a doctor and locked him inside of my little sister's locker
Had a dream of jumpin' a rasta with some kids from Yonkers
Kickin' and stompin', and pissin' fanta on to their dead bodies
I'm takin' dab hits with Mitt Romney, tryna figure out what went wrong
I told him he was too legit, probably
I'm on my fifth molly, forgetting what day it is
But honestly it's really whatever day that you say it is
The type of guy to bring my little cousins to the arcade with him
Blaze and dip away while I was gettin' paid to babysit
Romantic comedies make me sick,
I'm more into WorldStar fights and documentaries on asian shit
I'm ashamed as shit to be a motherfuckin' human, man
I'd rather lead a buddhist clan or try to be the new Roseanne
If that's a gun you must be stupid to put in Louis' hand
I'm the newest Stan, go to shows just to shoot a fan
I eat kosher while tying people up, clean, sober
Tryna cut down on smokin', hopin' I can get a job
Trippin' balls with my mom thinkin' I'm a genius
Clearly I'm just bored and really looking for some meaning
Started rappin', but I'd rather be a fuckin' actor
Gave my number to Vanessa Hudgens but wrote it fuckin' backwards
I hope she notices and one day my phone'll ring, or
Maybe I'm crazy and just imagined the whole thing
I like to overthink, really that's my only hobby, and
Dressin' up like Ghandi while pacin' in apartment lobbies
Watchin' Johnny Bravo tryna be a carbon copy
At the swap meet, havin' meetings on exposing Paul McCartney
I'm at a party for myself and it's only I
My third birthday party this year I'm turning 35
A lonely guy, but I keep myself company
I'm somewhere in the middle, heaven's high but hell's under me
I stopped tryna figure out what life's about
I'd rather be on WorldStar for knockin' Mike Tyson out
I walk the city with a pipe around
Got kicked out of school for makin' a sniper sound during graduation
I'm addicted to masturbating
Invited my muslim friends over and told them to have some bacon
I'll be bakin' half asleep
Fuck a wake and bake, a half awake and bake
Probably gonna face an 8th, faded til' I fade away