The Kansas City Breath Mints team
Is hard to describe
The game they play is quite bizarre
And no one knows their vibe
Some say Marco Stink likes seeds
And Lenny Spruce is a tree (what?)
Maybe Rod wears cat ears
And Oscar has a degree (in teeth!)
Helga's truck is in a ditch
And Hewitt likes to eat the rich
But there's one thing
That always stays the same
They failed the bar
That's just who they are
They failed the bar
With the lowest score by far
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team
Collectively
Failed the bar
(Seriously, what are they doing?)
Twooney pitches from the moon
Or somewhere deep in space
Grey went off to miming school
And learned to steal third base (what?)
Leach lives in a parking lot
Of an abandoned corner store
Drinks expired Red Bull from the floor
They stole the test from a college class
Sat criss-cross on the meadow grass
Betmint checked the scores
Then he stood up to announce
They failed the bar
Thought they'd do just fine
But they failed the bar
Multiple times
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team
Collectively
Failed the bar
Wait, hold on, this makes no sense
The entire team?
Yes, the entire team (what?) failed the bar exam
Even Jessica Telephone?
It's complicated, but yes
Even Jessica Telephone
Look, in order to play on the team
You have to fail the bar exam (what?)
And if you don't understand that at this point
I don't know what else to tell you
They failed the bar
That's just who they are
They failed the bar
With the lowest score by far
None of them can practice law
They'll never see a day in court
'Cause the Breath Mints team
Collectively
Failed the bar