This silence is blinding
I've got to run, run far away
And the only reminder of me
Will be my name on a rooftop in paint
I hope it's not too late
There is pain still inside me
I grew up feeling afraid of the thoughts inside my head
And what everyone else must think
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division
Between who you loved and who I am today
It keeps me frozen here in place
It's okay, there's nothing to say
I knew the ending all along
When I was a kid, I let it define me
Please don't grow up that way
Four weeks in a hospital
And not one friend even came
My heart still breaks
You don't need to remind me all of the ways
I could have been better, could have been stronger
Should have been brave
The light inside me slowly fades
There is distance and division
Between who you loved and who I am today
It keeps me frozen here in place
It's okay, there's nothing to say
I knew the ending all along
Can I change still?
I promise you that if I can that I will
I love you to fucking death
You're the reason I have strength for breath
Here I am, I'm clearly not at my best
I'm sorry if I let you down
I wrote down the words I couldn't say but today
I feel like at last that it might end differently
Staring down at all these words on the page
How long have I been so lost and what was the cost?