I am not a crutch, although my knees are rife with woodworm
And the mealworms I misheard for lunch are rotting in my guts
With a childhood of fingernails that ripped my throat to shreds
A walk that chimes like church bells from all these loose joints in my legs
These three lions that were sitting on my chest
Are clawing hard into my skin as I am gasping for my breath
And as they each play noughts and crosses on the scratches they have left
I have to screw up both my eyes as it goes into sudden death
They whisper, "Really all these noughts are circles holed, bereft
And all these crosses, crucifixes spreading guilt and sense of dread"
And as we stumbled homeward up the hill to where you used to live
The cold makes ice upon our cheeks from all the tears that we have shed
These things rattle round my head
If he hasn't blown the whistle
Then it isn't quite the end
Every defeat a divorce
Although I look surprised, it's par for the course, I guess
Every defeat a divorce
Although I look surprised, it's par for the course, I guess
And I don't really know now what I thought I knew then
You can lead a horse to water but it won't drown itself
This one family photograph always floats to the top
Like a beaming, bloated corpse, though having been made up
My memories are sepia but the photograph is not
An historian is fucking with them as deadly as garrotte
Where they're standing in the kitchen with his arms around her waist
With no idea of what's to come and with a smile across your face
And all the fittings are the same but every other thing has changed
Must forget everything you know as though your mouth and tongue estranged
Small comforts found in ABBA Gold and electronic chess
When West Clewes was my Waterloo, my most dramatic test
Now I've been walking down the shortcuts and the alleys in the dark
Because I'm not scared of the shadows, they're no blacker than my heart
These things rattle round my head
If he hasn't blown the whistle
Then it isn't quite the end
Every defeat a divorce
Although I look surprised, it's par for the course, I guess
Every defeat a divorce
Although I look surprised, it's par for the course, I guess
But how could I ever refuse?
I feel like I lose when I lose
And I don't even know now what I thought I knew then
You can lead a horse to water but it won't drown itself