All my carefully measured metaphor All my flat nine dominant seven chords All of my shtick My lyrical trickery All of those bows All that applause All my intertextuality All my self-aware hypocrisy All of those rhymes My irregular times All my softly spoken sophistry All my make-up, all my lights All my photo shoots in tights All my pretensions All my intentions All my glitzy opening nights All my brow-dependent jokes All my mirror balls and smoke All my tilts at wit and whimsy All my poetry My swear words and my smut Will never get as many hits As Kitten Waking Up