I'm tied down, I'm locked up I don't make independent decisions But my wife says that I don't miss it My old friends, they don't call In fact this weekend they're riding Ski-Doos While I'm taking my kids to three zoos But the third zoo isn't exactly a zoo It's a family counselor dressed like a raccoon I'm a family man Living according to a family plan I just found somebody's feces on my hand I grab a towel that's monogrammed 'Cause I'm a family man I don't have a dream job I bust my butt every day from nine-to-five To finance the dreams of my kids and wife And my wife has a business idea She wants to sell these teeny, tiny hats Made especially for little baby cats Notice that I didn't say kitten My wife says that a baby cat is something different I'm a family man We all don't fit in a Sedan My last child, that spawn of Satan was unplanned Please cut my vas deferens I'm a family man I'm a family man