I knew when I first met him That I never would forget him To find a beauty such as he in my bed was rare To sleep with him I was excited But later I was less delighted When I found that special present He left in my pubic hair Now it's a crabby day, unhappy day I'll never forget him I'm sad to say Leave me alone I'm having a crabby day So to the drugstore without haste To solve the problem below the waist Then the laundromat to disinfect my clothes and sheets Walking home who do I see But the guy who gave those wretched vermin to me He quickly runs to the opposite side of the street Now it's a crabby day, unhappy day To be treated in such a shabby way Gimme a break, I'm having a crabby day At home a message is waiting From a boy I've been contemplating He's leaving town for a month and wants to see me tonight After the lotion's been applied Can I be sure every one of those critters has died Or take the risk of passing them on For a long-awaited night It's such a crabby day, unhappy day Why did he have to call today Get me out of this I'm having a crabby day