I wonder what it would be like if I didn't change when I did Would I still hurt everyone that I love? Would I still be so toxically desperate? Would I still send mass Snapchats To all of my goddamn contacts? As if there was inherent significance In my loneliness I spent so many nights chastising myself as a strategy To drill into my head the audacity That I must have had to be that way That I must have had to act that way I'm just so grateful to have Those pills out of my life To not be binge drinking all the time To no longer feel like a passenger Of a self-driving car headed straight into a wall I think there's a future in Dissolving into kindness Becoming one with the lightness Nurturing a sympathy for the darkness And never snapping back To the selfishness that defined you in your past You must become A person that you truly believe has earned love