My father took a kitchen knife and shoved it in his side
All the while me and my little brother looked him in the eyes
And it was not the first time I saw more than I should see
Months before broke thru the door to shake him out of sleep
The ambulance arrived in time but real help never came
I still have the note he left from the time he planned to shoot a nail through his brain
You never know what's normal till you see how others live
My father gave me everything he had the means to give
I'm old enough to know just how easy you can bruise
And the shape you're in is clear and solid proof
That whatever doesn't kill you makes you you
The nurse she dug the catheter deep into my vein
Watched the medicine drip down the tube three times everyday
But what no one knew I still got high during football games
Another time was driving drunk the cops pulled us aside
They searched the car clean up and down but somehow didn't find
The plastic bag just lying there it would've surely changed my life
Now I don't feel so lucky but I know that I am
I live and I breathe, have ten fingers on my hands
Looking back I see that I barely made it through
And the shape I'm in as clear as it can be
That whatever doesn't kill me makes me me
My mother went to meetings learned to deal with dad's disease
And later she got diagnosed, had chemotherapy
And now my oldest sister has adopted mother's genes
And my other sister lives with her own amount of pain
And my little brother doesn't sleep has too much in his brain
And here I am, I'm thinking how we're different but the same
Even though we've come so far, seems like somethings never change
When we feel too vulnerable we're pretty quick to blame
All the wars the family fought have made us all insane
My parents sold the house and my sisters moved away
Now we only reunite on certain holidays
And every time we do it gets messy but it's love
And all the vivid memories, they're mixing inside us
They bubble to the surface they can be so dangerous
Cuz the shape we're in it's pretty obvious
That whatever doesn't kill us makes us us