Three albums into this thing, and i'm running out of words to say
Two decades of following Jesus, and i'm running out of words to pray
Sometimes i feel like i'm caught up
In a world with those past mistakes
I don't look back because it's my past i hate
But you can't travel backwards to yesterday
And the more i try to, the less i pray
I guess it's hard to talk to God when you're ashamed
So here we are, two million followers later
And i'm with the same pen and this pad of paper
Just trying to share something that will inspire the masses
But how do you manage this popularity, wasn't taught in my classes?
Most of the time i feel like i'm way over my head
As a kid there was a picture of James Dean hung over my bed
He was a rebel, and i'm just a lost cause
I sat alone in my room ingnoring texts and blocked calls
I kept my head low as i passed people in halls
I never expected to be somebody when i was a kid
I never expected to need somebody to know how to live
I've always been the type to do things myself
But lately i've been picking up that Bible a lot more off my shelf
And this schedule i keep is affecting my health
Irregular heartbeat and an anxiety that just won't quit
Sometimes i just want to walk away from all of this
But i can't seem to get God to pick up on speed dial
Seems like he's been ignoring my calls now for a while
And maybe i deserve it, because i didn't always pick up for him
I can't go to church anymore because people ask for pics
In every service i'm in
They think i'm spiritual but inside i'm just nervous and tense
I can't get used to this popularity, now more than ever, this
Pedestal is scary
An angel on one shoulder the devil on the other, just daring me
To yank the skeletons out of my closet and put them on display
I feel like i'm talking to the wall whenever i pray
If they knew how it was, they wouldn't ask me for pics
Thirty years old still looking to the world for that fix
But if Jesus is enough i shouldn't feel like this
Still hurting from the past i can't heal like this
This poem isn't for you, this poem is for me
Someday i hope to be left alone, someday when i'm free
And i hope someday all this would have been worth it
Imagine being eighty, only to look back on your past and curse it
Let me write this clearly, i don't need to write it in cursive
To tell you that even though you think
Highly of me, i think that i'm worthless
And nothing you do or say is going to change that
There's a beast inside me and i can't tame that
And that monster keeps reminding me of everything about me i hate
Maybe God's grace found me just a little too late
Because i wasted a lot of years, breaking a lot of hearts
I turn off the replay of those days everytime that it starts
This is me now, and this is what it feels like to be empty
There isn't a day that goes by that the devil doesn't tempt me
I just have to remind myself of the God who sent me
When i keep my eyes on him i can breathe again
Two million fans but still in need of a friend
Welcome, to the world i'm in.