As I got home on Monday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
Outside, I spied a horse where my old horse should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a horse outside where my old horse should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a milking cow my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But a saddle on a milking cow I've never saw before."
As I got home on Tuesday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there another coat where my old coat should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a blanket that my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But buttons on a blanket sure I've never saw before."
As I got home on Wednesday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I spied a smoking pipe where my old horse should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a smoking pipe where my old pipe should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a ladle that my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But tobacco in a ladle sure I've never saw before."
As I got home on Thursday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I saw a pair of boots where my old boots should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a pair of boots where my old boots should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a chamber pot my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But laces in a chamber pot I've never saw before."
As I got home on Friday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I saw a head inside my bed where my old head should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a head in bed where my old head should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a baby boy my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But whiskers on a baby boy I've never saw before."
As I got home on Saturday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I saw two hands upon her chest where my old hands should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a pair of hands where my old hands should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a bodice that my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But fingers on a bodice sure I've never saw before."
As I got home on Sunday night, as drunk as drunk could be, oh.
I saw a thing a ding where my old thing should be, oh.
I called to my wife, "Would you kindly tell to me, oh?
Why is there a thing a ding where my old thing should be, oh?"
"Ah, you're drunk you're drunk you
Silly old fool so drunk you cannot see!
It's only a cucumber my mother sent to me!"
"It's many a day I've traveled, a hundred miles of more.
But a hairy-wrinkled cucumber I've never saw before."