Some friends and I in a public house
Were playing a game of chance one night,
When into the pub a fireman ran
His face all a chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Have you seen your Aunt Mariah? "
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered if your eyes can't see!"
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
:
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me!
It's down to the cellar
If the fire's not there
Then we'll have a grand old spree. "
So we went down with good old Brown
The booze we could not miss
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
Till we were quite pissed!
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then Smith walked over to the port wine tub
Gave it a few hard knocks (clap clap)
Starts takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks.
"Oh NO!" says Brown, "You can't do that,
Ya shouldn't do that 'round here.
Don't go washin' trousers in the port wine tub
When we got Guinness beer. "
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then there came from the old back door
The Vicar of the local church.
And when he saw our drunken ways,
He began to scream and curse.
"Ah, you drunken sods! You heathen clods!
You've taken to a drunken spree!
You drank up all the Benedictine wine
And you didn't save a drop for me! "
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then there came a mighty crash
Half the bloody roof caved in.
We all got drowned in the firemen's hose
Though we were almost happy.
So we grabbed some tacks and some old wet sacks
And we nailed ourselves inside
And we sat drinking the finest rum
'Til we were bleary-eyed.
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Later that night, when the fire was out
We came up from the cellar below.
Our pub was burned. Our booze was drunk.
Our heads was hanging low.
"Oh look", says Brown with a look quite queer.
Seems something raised his ire.
"Now we gotta get down to Murphy's Pub,
It closes on the hour! "
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came a knockin' at the door (clap clap)
Well don't let 'em in till it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted Macintyre! Macintyre!
And we all got blue-blind paralytic pissed
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.