Longing for an idle mind. Can't seem to leave my past behind. When I'm awake I feel a constant degradation. Countless Marlboro meditations. Tell yourself that the world you love hates you. Even the ones that care for you the most. Feels like 1,000 eyes are staring at my soul. Tell myself one day I'll choke on the smoke and find peace. No peace to find. Get up, get up. Watch every step, dissect every word that is said. Replay and rewind these fucked up memories in bed. Please bare with me I'm still learning. Stupidity spews from the mouth of the burden. I didn't do anything right. Lay waste to my youth and what is sacred to mine. Anxieties built a home in my mind. And the walls are beat to shit. Just because I'm fine doesn't mean that I'm alright. But I don't think you get it. Tell yourself that the world you love hates you. Even the ones that care for you the most. Feels like 1,000 eyes are staring at my soul. Tell myself one day I'll choke on the smoke and find peace. Just because I'm fine, doesn't mean that I'm alright. No peace to find. It's built a home in my mind. Pictures of my trauma hangs from the walls. Always reminded of why I'm crawling out of my skin. No I can't stand the sight of myself.