Salutations my dear roadkill You look like you've had a cheap haircut You smell like your uncle Set your bed on fire You taste like someone left A dog in the oven Salutations my old panic attack You sound like a drowning vicar You move like Your bones must have melted You dance like a confused paper bag Soaked in animal fat Salutations my pointless pleasure You command respect like a scrambled egg You impress the gathered crowd Like a lake of stale milk You strut your stuff Like a filthy armchair Salutations you feral charmer With the eyes of an ashtray You make small talk Like a beauty pageant lobotomy You are everything I aspire to be