Well my Uncle Ted
He seems strange to me
He only wants to see
What he wants to see
Quite proud of himself
He says the quiet part out loud
He only wants to know
What he wants to know
That's the way
He thinks his life should go
He says he's complex
Seems pretty simple to me
It's been a long time coming
For my Uncle Ted
He's got a Bible on his night stand
That he's never read
Says Jesus is coming
Just you wait and see
He's not a big dreamer
He looks back instead
He's let the Apocalypse
Go straight to his head
He learns prophecy right there on TV
Pays the preacher man his fees
After all salvation ain't free
Well my Uncle Ted is not politically correct
He speaks his mind
Says what needs to be said
Says everything's is a hoax, a big mystery
He's totally convinced every word is a lie
Doesn't do any good to ask him why
He says he believes in what ya gotta to believe
It's been a long time coming
For my Uncle Ted
Thinks he's smarter than hell
So impeccably bred
He knows he's so special
Does my Uncle Ted
Few bigger morons has the world ever seen
Unbelievably crass, stupendously mean
Down the rabbit hole he fled, my Uncle Ted
Fell my obtuse Uncle Ted
Down the rabbit hole he sped
It's been a long time coming
For my Uncle Ted
Says he's a victim of life
That there's a price on his head
No one wants to tell, poor Uncle Ted
As the family gathers for the holidays
It's Uncle Ted that drives them away
It's cultural wars from A to Z
He just won't let it be
Uncle Ted is a social disease
There's an Uncle Ted in every family
Some grow into family trees
They live in a very different world
They share a very different reality
We're all a divided family
Well my Uncle Ted died the other day
That hoax of a virus done took him away
Quite proud of himself
He said the quiet part out loud
He only wanted to know
What he wanted to know
That's the way he thought his life should go
He said he believed what ya got to believe
Down the rabbit hole went Ted
Down the rabbit hole he sped
Down the rabbit hole he fled