Well I'm so sorry that we can't stay, ladies and gentlemen, because we know
That many people here tonight would love to stay and chat
To delve into what makes us tick,
And what we think of this and that
Now, through the years we've noticed, many questions are the same
Like how we met, and how we write
And how we got the name
But time is short, and we really have to end the show
So we've compiled a comprehensive list of answers to the questions
That we think our most discerning public might just
Want to know
1983
1984
I joined last July (I haven't been paid yet)
I was a secretary
I was a waitress
I was a spy
Born in Canterbury
I'm a Pompey girl
Brought up in Haselbury Plucknett
That's Haselbury Plucknett in Somerset
Yes, Cheap Flights is a YouTube hit,
But would you believe it, it's not even made a single buck yet
(That's absolutely true!)
I'm a Humanist
Confused Agnostic
I await the second coming
I favour Soixante-Neuf
Missionary
Kinky Bumming
A glass of Shiraz
Some Veuve Clicquot
A box of white wine, all to myself
I'm 36
I'm 49
(Laughing) (spoken) She tries that every time,
Well in that case, I'm 49
I'm in full health
I can't hear
I can't see (Is there anyone out there?)
Oh, Les Enfants Du Parody
What a Wonderful Life
Nanny McPhee (and I wept through the entire movie)
Oh yes, these are actually microphones
And we know they resemble a wart,
Which looks a bit horrid
(Some people think they're a Bindi, which is just stupid)
But we've found that the sound is improved a great deal
When they're sellotaped slap in the centre of the forehead
(Spoken) and how do we remember all the words?
Well it helps that we write them
I've got them here on the piano
By repitition, repitition, endless bloody repitition
Ooh, I'm scared of rats!
I'm frightened of the taxman
Extradition
Well, we've been nominated several times
And we've had many a very generous review
The reason we're not on TV is apparantly our language is too blue
What a fucking joke!
Marks and Spencer (Sensible)
Rigby and Peller (very sturdy)
Calvin Klein (oh, very sexy)
Ooh, I love a full English, with fried bread
Coffe and croissant with anyone
More white wine, I haven't gone to bed yet
I was too tall for Juliet
I've never played Checkov
I know I'd've been wonderful in restoration
The two of us met at auditions
They had me busking outside booths on Waterloo station
I've got a small Doggy
I've a fish called Fred
I've got a yucca
My dad was a doctor
Mine sold insurance
Pheasant plucker
I suppose we're a cabaret act
Maybe musical satirists
An old fasioned Concert troupe
And we've never retired
They've never retired
We've never retired, I simply tried to kill the group
Twice, failed
Well that's it,
We've run out of time,
Oh dear, it's such a shame
What a bleeding shame!
We haven't got time to tell you the incredibly boring story
Oh please don't make us tell you the incredibly boring story
No, really, it is, I've heard it, it's an incredibly boring story
Of how
We got
The
Name!