Welcome!
Ladies, gentlemen, taxpayers
Tonight you have spent your money wisely
Buying a ticket to see FA
Financial Advisors
And now it's time to get a return on that investment with some good advice
Listen up
Paying taxes is a grind
It can hit you with a bump
It can be an awful bind
It gives everyone the hump
But if you don't want to pay
Then you're quite within the law
You can stash your cash away
Offshore, offshore, offshore
Welcome to the world of shadow banking
No one really knows what goes on here
Want to pay no tax on your earnings?
We can make those earnings disappear
Hide them in the Caymans, Turks and Caicos
Switzerland, Lichtenstein, Jersey too
Only little people pay taxes
People like you and you and you and you
We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bunts
Massaging money from haven to haven using shell banks and false fronts
Oh, we offset our cost against tax in Britain where tax is appallingly high
Then declare our profits in Monaco and we get to keep all the pie
That's why companies using nifty taxation systems spells "cunts"
Ladies and gentlemen
She's the newly appointed head of emerging markets
So would you please welcome the fragrant
The freshly minted, the fiscal femme fatale
That is Ms Sarah Louise Young
Tax evasion is illegal
But avoiding tax is not
So to best protect your assets
And hang on to what you've got
Build a clause into a trust
Which you set up in Delaware
And if an auditor comes calling
The trust's designed to fly elsewhere
Look its gone to Bermuda
Welcome to the world of murky finance
Manage all your moolah with aplomb
As a high net worth individual
Declare yourself officially non-dom
The city of London will take care of business
It has more power than the Inland Revenue
Only saps and suckers pay taxes
Teachers and nurses and fools like you and you
We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bunts
We can make the incumbent chancellor of the Exchequer look like a dunce
Our teams of accountants and lawyers find they always have plenty to do
Handy for loopholes and dodges to further increase the dosh we accrue
We're companies using nifty taxation systems
That's cunts
Lets hear from those strumpets
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Libraries will have to close (sad but necessary)
Fewer bobbies on the streets (stay indoors)
Disabled people losing benefits (scroungers)
Endless BBC repeats (don't knock Dad's Army)
Ever larger student fees (sorts the wheat from the chavs)
Obs and gynie wards to shut (use a condom)
Legal aid is been reduced
And our fighting forces cut
Welcome to a world that has no frontiers
Capital is free, free, free to flow
Though we may twice as rich as Croesus
We can't bear to let a penny go
The country is broke and the pundits tell us we could really help if we paid up too
But we don't use the NHS
Or crap state schooling
That's for little people like you and you and you and you and you
You too
You two
U2?
Oh they went offshore years ago!
We're companies using nifty taxation systems to hide our bunts
Along with oligarchs, drug barons and rock stars who had high moral principles
Well, maybe once
It's all very well to say people like us should hang ours heads in shame
But if you won the EuroMillions you'd do the bloody same
We're companies using nifty taxation systems
You'd be rolling in lolly and chugging back the Bolli
You'd be thrilled to join the international band of solid gold plated
Cunts