My husband came home Friday with a brand new motor car,
He told me I could drive it- I said "Brian, you're a star!"
We drove down to the boozer for a vodka and a fag,
Then of course we had celebrate the purchase with a shag!
We'd go dogging!
We'd go dogging!
We're a treat for any passers-by out jogging!
We do it 'cos we've found that when people crowd around
It is somehow more profound when you're dogging!
(Spoken)
Oh well now some of the older members of the audience might have
A little bit of difficulty with this one but um,
I just say hang on in there and I think the meaning will shine through(!)
...Bill, how are you doing?
Anyhow, if you are still a little bit in the dark at the end,
Just ask a young person or uh... Google.
Just don't take your computer for repair immediately afterwards(!)
(Sung)
Well we drove down to the far end of the car park back of Asda,
A threesome was hard at it in a sporty little Mazda,
It made it more exciting as they pressed against the glass,
And when Brian got his torch out you could see right up her arse!
They were dogging!
They were dogging!
Believe me, they were more than merely snogging!
But though her cheeks were parted, she spoilt it when she farted,
And we wanted to get started on OUR dogging.
(Spoken)
Now how are the older members doing now?
Not finding it too impenetrable?
Those of a sensitive disposition... leave now...
(Sung)
Well we rushed back to our car 'cos we were randy as two goats,
But being late November we had on our duffle coats,
We should've stripped off first before getting back inside
'Cos disrobing in a smart car isn't easy- have you tried?
We were dogging!
We were dogging!
In the struggle poor old Brian tore his frogging!
Our apparel was misguided 'cos when our heads collided
Brian's manhood then subsided- but thats dogging!
Well I admit this was a setback but I wasn't beaten yet
'Cos I'm really very handy with my man's beef bayonet,
I quickly had his flypole up responding to my touch
And next thing I was upside down and staring at the clutch!
We were dogging!
We were dogging!
The heat was on to stop the windows fogging!
Thank God for plastic sheeting- well one must protect the seating,
'Cos the fabric takes a beating when you're dogging!
Well by now a crowd had gathered, it was cheering fit to burst,
And Bri was close to peaking (though he likes me to come first),
My legs were out the sunroof as I really hit the stride,
Then Brian promptly stopped and cried "THE ROZZERS ARE OUTSIDE!"
We were dogging!
We were dogging!
We were so alarmed our arteries were clogging!
But we took it on the chin when the coppers with a grin
Said "Can anyone join in with your dogging?"
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Well as you can imagine Bri and I were thrilled to bits!
I love to feel a copper's truncheon inbetween my tits!
My ecstasy was mounting, I was feeling so alive!
When who should wander by but a bloke from Channel 5!
He likes dogging!
HE likes dogging!
He signed us for a series he was flogging!
So watch out for Bri and me and the odd celebrity-
We were shagging on TV likely dogging!
Oh we'll be dogging!
We'll be dogging!
Oh think of all the limelight we'll be hogging!
Well the credits show my hand massaging Brian's gland-
The presenter's Russell Brand! Lovely dogging!