Heigh ho, vodeo doh
When I'm around, there's an atmosphere of tension
Boom, boom, there's an elephant in the room
It's a subject that nobody
Absolutely nobody
Genuinely nobody wants to mention
Big C
It comes to you, it comes to me
And it's as nasty as can be
Big C, Big C
It's unexpected, you'll agree
And it can make it hurt to pee
Big C
You can lose your sense of humour
When you find you have a tumour or some lumps
I know I did!
When you hear the diagnosis
It is my prognosis, you'll be down in the dumps
When you have growths as big as gourds
You may want to go to Lourdes, I shouldn't doubt
And if you have chemotherapy
Then very soon, your hair'll be falling out
Big C (Big C, Big C)
It has a massive family tree (you must agree)
With many types from A to Z (No guarantee)
Big C, Big C (that you'll be free, ahh)
You'll soon find out it holds the key
If you're to be or not to be (ahh)
Big C
Your friends'll rush to the rescue
With sage and thyme and fescue
(Oh, how kind) Organic of course!
They'll insist you give up drinking
And take up positive thinking (it's all in the mind)
Who knew?
Though their grasp of medicine's shaky
They'll suggest of course a Reiki
It can't fail
(Better already!)
And they found this brilliant diet
And really you must try it
It's just kale
(Rather tough) Not in a Nutribullet!
Big C
It isn't cured with herbal tea
Or rubbing crystals on your knee
Big C, Big C
It's no use beefing up your chi
The cells will merely say "tee-hee"
Big C
Friends will put on cheery faces
And tell of hopeless cases who beat the odds
They will mean it most sincerely
But perhaps those folk were merely lucky sods
They will tell of Uncle Fred
Who was jolly nearly dead, they'd said "Adieu"
But in spite of his sarcoma
His dialysis and his stoma
He climbed K2
Big C
We've made it our philosophy
To face the bastard with espirit
Big C, Big C
We'll crack a bottle of Chablis
Or two or three
Book that holiday in Capri
Big C, Big C
Big C
Fuck you, Big C!