Father had visited me in New York for about a week
And at the end, I started gettin' a pretty bad headache
About an hour later it was a pretty bad migraine
The lights dancing around in my left eye
I didn't have much vision
Took some of this medicine called Imitrex
It was my first time
Just thought it would help, but
About fifteen minutes after that I started gettin' light-headed
I called him in, I was sat, I'm collapsed on my right side
Can't feel my left side, breathing pretty heavy, but I can't quite breathe
And I say "Call the paramedics, I can't feel my arms or my legs
And I feel a little crazy like I'm gonna faint or something"
It all goes black for about four minutes and then I wake up
To the paramedics over my head and I feel a little embarrassed
But I still feel sick
Feels so ridiculous going through all these things over and over again
But I feel it in my body and so I feel like I gotta say something
So about a couple of hours in the ER, I'm just sitting there thinking about
Well, I don't know what I was thinking about
Now it's the next day and I'm writing this song
Trying to piece through this experience
Which might seem a little silly, but i-
It makes me feel like a little bit of a clown
But I have these dreams for about four years
And then it's weird when they start appearing in real life
I talk real fast and I get all cold
And the girls I meet don't like me much
'Cause I just stare off into space
But I ain't trying to be like that
I ain't trying to be like that
I ain't trying to be that person
I know pretty well how to be well
Like to just smile a lot and act pretty warm
And it's honestly not an act, I enjoy it
I enjoy making people happy
When I get sick it- all- It starts to get real hard
To be that kinda person
And so I push myself in that direction
And I just end up like the wintertime
Real cold
And real hollow
And real
Dark
I'm trying new stream of consciousness type of stuff
'Cause I listened to Field Medic the other week
While I was playing Earthbound
On a trundle bed
In New York city
How am I doin'?
How am I doin'?
How am I doin' I ask myself in the mirror
Where I scratched a couple words in the wall
So that when the shower
Fogs up, It says I'm okay
It says I'm getting better
It says it's gonna be alright
And I say it four times to myself
'Cause that's what they taught me in Minnesota
Where I went to a pain rehab clinic
With a couple other of people in their
Thirties and forties, a lot of 'em
Didn't have kids, they said
"Maybe that's why we're so sick
And we're so sorry
We're such sorry people"
About in the end of November, I went to a mall
Talked to some other people from the city
They said life was real depressing
They were buying their parents a psychology book
For Christmas
'Cause their parents didn't understand why they were so fucked up
And honestly, they didn't understand it either
This was just a sixteen-year-old kid
He didn't know much about the world
But it made him sad
It made me pretty sad talkin' to him