Men and Women – Rodney Carrington
You women have so much power in your pants you have no clue. You have to much power! That little hairy critter you got in you bridges causes more shit than anything else in this world. If I had a twat in my bridges I'd be in a hotel room right now with eight guys, 'cause I'm a big old hoar. You have to much power. You can ...in the front yard and tell your man: 'Now you go out there and eat that, when you come back, you can have some!' You know what he'd do? Whah whah! He 'd come running back into the house with a chocolate ring around his lips. 'I did it!'. You stupid son of a bitch, I was kiddin'. Well, I still get the pussy don't I? Well no, you got shit in your mouth!
Thank god for hands. I'm 34 years old, I jack off more now than I did when I discovered it. When I discovered it, I loved it: Man, this feels great. What the fuck was that? I can't see! I can't see!
How many women masturbate? Look, 10 of you! Horseshit! Is that a 14 biljon dollar a year dildo business I think it is. Then 10 women out here keeping it going. Horseshit!
Women do it. I just do it in private. Found her hanging against the washingmachine while folding clothes. Whooooooooo shit! ' What are you doing?' I'm folding clothes! Shit, and I watched. And then men get all the shit, 'cause we're the horny ones, you know? 'You're always horny. That's all you ever wanna do!' I KNOW! Because one of us had to be. One of us had to be the horny ones. There's men en there's women. One of us had to be the horny ones. So it's men. Women don't think like we do. They're emotional creatures. If they did, we'd all in a big ... right now. Which would be a hell of a lot of fun.
That's why men created sports. Men created sports 'cause they get tired of thinking about pussy 24 hours a day. Because sex is all about find them a girl, getting' in the little spot. Find her, get there... It's all it's about. And if you look at sports it's the same way 'cause men created them. Footbal! Upright through the middle! We put hair on the post is it wouldn't too offensive. Basketball: 2 hole, 5 guys fighting 5 other guys for a hole. Just like being in a nightclub! And off course tennis was invented by a women, 'cause that's just her doing: Back and forth, back and forth... Which goes back to the power-issue. If there is an argument at my house, my wife can take the puss, run in another room and hold it hostage. All of a sudden I am a hostage-negotiator. 'Have you harmed the hostage in any way? Press the hostage against the window so I can see it. Why is the hostage smoking white sigar? We know you got demands, what are they? She wants to go shopping. Shit! And a new car. Fuck! She wants a helicopter. God damn' we can do that I tell you . a helicopter, Helicopter, HELICOPTER, HELICOPTER!
Thanks a lot everybody for coming out. I hope you had a great time. I did! Thank you! Good night. Thank you very much.