Don't start a band Unless you like spending time in a hot van (7 hours to get there, 14 dollars at door) Don't start a band You ought to invest in your future (Your student loans won't pay themselves, You should pick up more hours) And every day I feel like a failure Sit alone at home watching Sailor Moon DVD sets And everything just fills me with envy Always feel like my world is ending Every moment of every day Don't start a band, Unless you like picking fights with your best friends ("I wish you'd start playing sober," "Why don't you ever shut up?") Don't start a band You didn't go to college for nothing (This run of records costs more than my car, These kids aren't buying our t-shirts) And every night I feel like a failure Drink alone and curse like a sailor I shouldn't drink so much And I think that this tour just might kill me Drinking every night doesn't thrill me Like it did in college