This one's going out to anyone who's in a job they
Don't like, ladies and gentlemen, and that's all of us
If you're lucky enough these days to be employed
There's lots of ways the company gets you annoyed
They change your hours and your shifts, you get so downhearted
You've not had a pay rise since you started
If you don't like it, the firm'll give you the sack
But did you know there's a way you can get your own back?
You're dignity's been robbed but nobody cares
So what you've got fer do is steal something of theirs
It's called the perks of the job
I'm at work and I'm on the rob
I'm gonna take whatever I can fit in my pocket
To make me feel better and they just can't stop it
I'll be stuck in this job till I reach my old age
Wouldn't do it if they paid me a decent wage
Until they do, I'm gonna go to town
And help meself to anything that's not nailed down
Revenge against the company, it tastes delicious
But don't take too much too soon or they're gonna get suspicious
Stuff that people wont miss, or there'll be tears
I've not bought paper for me printer for about three years
Don't be cocky and put a laptop up your sleeve
Just a little bit of something every time you leave
An envelope a day that'll never be missed
There's more stationery in our house than WH Smiths
It's called the perks of the job
I'm at work and I'm on the rob
I'm gonna take whatever I can fit in my pocket
To make me feel better and they just can't stop it
I'll be stuck in this job till I reach my old age
I wouldn't do it if they paid me a decent wage
And until they do, I'm gonna go to town
And help meself to anything that's not nailed down
If the thought of stealing sends you out of your mind
There's others ways of getting your benefits in kind
Use the work phone to call your mate in Timbuktu
Or a hour on your Facebook page will do
Now here's a top tip from me workmate Shirley
An excuse to give your boss, if you wanna leave early
You've got to go 'cause your kid's developed a terrible cough
Either that or say your shed roofs been blown off
It's called the perks of the job
I'm at work and I'm on the rob
I'm gonna take whatever I can fit in my pocket
To make me feel better and they just can't stop it
I'll be stuck in this job till I reach my old age
I wouldn't do it if they paid me a decent wage
And until they do, I'm gonna go to town
And help meself to anything that's not nailed down
It's called the perks of the job
I'm at work and I'm on the rob
I'm gonna take whatever I can fit in my pocket
To make me feel better and they just can't stop it
I'll be stuck in this job till I reach my old age
I wouldn't do it if they paid me a decent wage
And until they do, I'm gonna go to town
And help meself to anything that's not nailed down