You know how goes on Sat'day night
Your drinks are flowing fine
Pork Scratchings, mild, a pickled egg
'Fore landlord shouts for time
(Time!)
Let's get these drunk and head for home
Jean's lost control of her knees
And as I get to th'ruddy door i realise
I've lost my keys!
Oh!
There's a famous phrase in Lancashire that you can sing with me
It isn't hard to learn at all and when you do you'll see
Three simple words to say out loud before you head for home
Keys, wallet, phone!
A restaurant: the perfect place for me to treat the wife
"You choose the wine, I'm having stout"
"I've gone and dropped my knife!"
And after four chocolate mints I say "You know, I'll pay for it"
And then I go and realise
No I'm not 'cause I've lost my wallet!
Oh!
There's a famous phrase in Lancashire that you can sing with me
It isn't hard to learn at all and when you do you'll see
Three simple words to say out loud before you head for home
Keys, wallet, phone!
The holidays are here again
Caravan up to car!
I've got a pitch in Skeggy, me
It isn't very far
And I'd have set out long ago
Look at traffic, if only I'd known
Now car's broke down, ring th'RAC
Nope, I've lost my phone!
Oh!
There's a famous phrase in Lancashire that you can sing with me
It isn't hard to learn at all and when you do you'll see
Three simple words to say out loud before you head for home
Keys, wallet, phone!