Won't you listen up, I'm in trouble
I feel my head is in a bubble
I'm being driven mad, to the point of despair
You see my mind, it has pondering
I'll confess, me hands've been wandering
I'm a married man that's having an affair
And it really wasn't planned, that's my defence
It was just another night down the off-license
But then I saw her there, behind the counter
While I were buying me Pringles and me four cans of stouter
I gave her a tenner and I were caught off guard
She looked like Angelina Jolie in a tabard
Right then I knew I had to choose
Between the missus and the girl from Bargain Booze
She gives me hope, she gives me dreams
She gives me free Harvey's Bristol Creams
She's amazing, she's so fine
She's doing Gordon's Gin at ten-ninety-nine
And she whispers and calls me darling
As we roll around the cans of Carling
She's got me on my knees
As we kiss by the Boddies and Tetley's
Oh she's got me all confused
I love her, the girl from Bargain Booze
I know that this affair, it could cost us
But still, I get cheap Fosters
It's a secret love that cannot be surpassed
I know it's cheating, but could you blame us?
'Cause I get free Magners and Gaymers
But she says "That's only while stocks last"
And I've got fer be careful 'cause the wife suspects
She says "What you doing with all those Grolsh and bottles o' Becks?"
It's an offer I couldn't refuse
All the freebies from the girl from Bargain Booze
She gives me hope, she gives me dreams
She gives me free Harvey's Bristol Creams
She's amazing, she's so fine
She's doing Gordon's Gin at ten-ninety-nine
And she whispers and calls me darling
As we roll around the cans of Carling
And she's got me on my knees
As we kiss by the Boddies and Tetley's
Oh she's got me all confused
I love her, the girl from Bargain Booze
Dickie!
That boy can blow!
One more time, here we go!
She gives me hope, she gives me dreams
She gives me free Harvey's Bristol Creams
She's amazing, she's so fine
She's doing Gordon's Gin at ten-ninety-nine
And she whispers and calls me darling
As we roll around the cans of Carling
She's got me on my knees
As we kiss by the Boddies and Tetley's
Oh she's got me all confused
I love her, the girl from Bargain Booze