Well the wife's gone away to her sister's (sister's)
And I'd like to say that I've missed her (missed her)
But while the wife's away, I'm gonna play
I'm gonna get leathered watching Match of the Day
So I nip off over to kitchen (kitchen)
For another drink, I'm itchin' (itchin')
I get there and then I get a lump in me throat
"Don't forget the shopping" says the wife's note
I open the fridge and see I've run out of booze
Heavens above, I've got the last can blues
So I'm sat here tryin' to get merry (merry)
I've drunk all the wife's cooking sherry (sherry)
I'm sobering up, I'm in terrible pain
I've even drunk that liqueur that we bought in Spain
Being stuck all sober gives me fear (me fear)
I've polished off the Tia Maria (Maria)
I'm a desperate man, I'll do owt for a drink
Should I try that methylated spirits under the sink?
I'm gonna swig the Bailey's, I've got nothing to lose
I'm a bitter man, with the last can blues
I've got the last can blues (last can blues)
Yeah, the last can blues (last can blues)
C'mon loosen me cock I wanna tell the news
I've run out of ale, I've got the last can blues
I'm spitting feathers!
Come on let's have a look in't cabinet here
What we got? Babycham? In the bin!
Lambrini? That's for her, she can have that, put to one side
I'm not drinking Snowballs, Sherry Don or Advocaat
They're for Christmas, put 'em to one side
Cherry B? You're 'aving a laugh here
Where's that come from?
Ouzo? It's Greek! Nasty!
Smart Price can o' shandy? In the bin! Tara!
Oh I'd do anything for a can o' Directors
I'm sober going mad, like Hannibal Lecter
It's driving me mad, I'm bouncing off the walls
'Cause all that's left to drink is a load of Bols
(That's B-O-L-S, it's a very short drink)
I've got the last can blues (last can blues)
Yeah, the last can blues (last can blues)
I'm not drinking Malibu, I flatly refuse
I'm gasping for a pint, I've got the last can blues
Oh! Something take away this dry throat
(Last can blues)