In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation
I was under-developed, immature, fat little dude that never got laid, and was constantly harassed!
Oh, poor little kid!
It bothered me, probably more so because I was horny, and frequently had to make up stories like
"Uh, when I went on vacation, I met this chick, and we fucked, and she loved it!"
Et cetera, et cetera
This typical pubescent problem was in effect
During the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story
And so, I moved to both grandparents and four sets of aunts and uncles
And so forth and so on within the year
And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice but take me in
Because my dad packed my stuff and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there
She was pissed
I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention a complexion
Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever
Marijuana
Oh, boy, pot!
I could escape all day long and not have the habit routine nervous breakdowns once a week
Only being stoned for the first few times was what I claimed as
"Something I would do for the rest of my life"
And I would practically do anything to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed
Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with
Because he was the only person I could get pot from
He was the kingpin
Trevor, Ace, John and Darren
All white-trash, lowlifes, scums of the Earth according to the jocks
Had been going to this girl's house after school, and they invited me
We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour that this girl seemed kind of quiet
Until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special-ed class
I'm sure a lot o' kids would call her a retard and some just slow
And at the time, and still to this day, I would call her quiet and illiterate, but not retarded
The object of the guys who had been going there for the past month
Was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house
While others distracted her by opening cupboards and doors and pretending to eat all the food
One would go down and take a fifth, and then exit out the downstairs
So we'd do this routine every other day, and got away with it for only about a month
And during that month, happened to be the epitome of the mental abuse from my mother
It turned out that pot didn't help me escape my troubles too well anymore
And I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows
And nothing ever mattered
I decided within the next month, I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping
But I'll actually kill myself
And I wasn't going out from this world without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
So one day after school, I went to the girl's house alone
And invited myself in, and she offered me some Twinkies
And I sat on her lap and I said
"Let's fuck"
And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me
And I watched and realized that it was actually happening
So I tried to fuck her but didn't know how
And I asked her if she had ever done this before
And she said, "A lot of times," mainly with her cousin
I got grossed out very heavily with how her vagina smelled and her sweat reeked
So I left
My conscience grew to where I couldn't go to school for a week
And when I went back I got in-house suspension for skipping
And that day, the girl's father came in
Screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter
And so during lunch the rumor started, and by the next day
Everyone was waiting for me to yell and cuss and spit at me and callin' me "The retard fucker"
I couldn't handle the ridicule, so I got high and drunk, and walked down to the train tracks, and laid down
And put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven o'clock train
And the train came closer, and closer, and closer
And it went on the next track besides me, instead of over me
The tension from school had an effect on me, and so I couldn't attend the school anymore
And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself by
By lifting weights and, and mathematics seemed to be improving, so I became less manically depressed
But still never had any friends because I
I hated everyone, for they were so phony