I went to the shop The shopkeeper said "Just point at what you want" I went to the shop The shopkeeper's mad So I'll think at the store front I don't even know all that I know I should But in the shop all the shopping's good Just point at what you want Pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam I went to the playwright Tried to get a part To be a thespian I went to the playwright Just to get a part A maid or a plebeian I'll wear all black all day You'll be my only friends Benign eccentrics of a thespian Well, I'd rather stay hidden Pam pam pam pam pam pam pam pam Please help me, Dan Treacy Please help me, Dan Treacy Please help me I've been hiding Been hiding I went to the courthouse Went to the court To see the magistrate I went to the courthouse Went into the court In a haze of fey complaints I don't even know what a magistrate does But he took my money because Because of the wonderful things that he does