I met Grey at Nicky-Tams Bar, in Sterling, while my friend Joe was playing a show
Grey was talking to a mutual friend Papaji
I offered them both some chocolate I'd bought from the shop across the street
And was trying to avoid binge-eating
Papaji took some
Grey declined
Said he was a vegan which was no real surprise given the mohawk and the tattoos and the piercings
I said, "Oh, cool, I'm trying to be a vegetarian
I mean, I'm not ready, I'm not quite there yet. It's not like I can justify eating meat, I can't
I know how horrific the meat industry is and that there are no exceptions to that rule
But I keep eating meat anyway, shamelessly, or with quite a lot of shame, actually
I'm afraid of change, I guess. I'm scared that I'll miss ham sandwiches, ya know?
Sometimes a ham sandwich is the best part of my fucking day
And yet, I can't hurt anything, I relocate spiders, I can't even kill wasps
I'm worried this makes me a worse person than someone who eats meat
Simply because they don't give a shit about animals."
Grey said, "That was a lot of... that was a lot of information you just gave me there
And yeah, it kinda does make you a bit of a worse person."
Which was refreshing, ya know?
We talked for 20 minutes or so more until I started to, uh, burnout
And I said, "I have to go now. I'm not leaving
I don't wanna lie to you and tell you that I have somewhere to be when I don't
I'm just gonna go stand somewhere else in the bar if that's okay
I probably won't come over again
I find social interaction really exhausting but I like you and I'd like to see you again
If you're on Facebook or something."
Grey did not make me feel like this was weird
Which I took to be evidence of good character
We found each other on Facebook and then I walked away
And 'though we were less than 5 meters apart we didn't talk for the rest of the day
And that was the start of the slowest, most deliberate relationship I've ever been apart of
Grey and I are a couple of broken, fucking, people
And it does not work in a lot of ways
I don't have a lot of bandwidth for other people's emotions
We're still figuring this out
I made it, this album for him though
For his birthday because he got me thinking a lot about self-acceptance
He really is fucking off to New Zealand, by the way
I will be fine
I mean, I, I won't be, I'm never fine but being not fine has become background noise over time
But every now and then it hits me
This is going to fucking suck, isn't it?
(Yeah)
(Yeah)