Lopsided is how I describe you Your mother never wrote me a check You move around the scene with impunity You've got a couple years left at best Well, we counted and the votes are in You're vicious and draconian You're always at the top of the list Let's have a celebration in your name And damn you with the highest praise A standing ovation You've earned it You took all our goodwill and you burned it Kudos to those friends who stick it through But I wouldn't be your friend if you paid me to To Radio static And monochromatic We know you're on the television box Your money is working hard All my friends say you're a star If it sounds like a metaphor, it's not Such a greedy little raven Hoarding coins in your collection And I'd love to see them scatter to the wind Let's have a celebration in your name And damn you with the highest praise A standing ovation You've earned it You took all our goodwill and you burned it Kudos to those friends who stick it through But I wouldn't be your friend if you paid me to To We are very disappointed in your behavior, young lady Let's have a celebration in your name And damn you with the highest praise A standing ovation You've earned it You took all our goodwill and you burned it (Burned it!) Kudos to those friends who stick it through But I wouldn't be your friend if you paid me to To