You could say I'm plastered, 'cause I hit the wall
I lost count after 21 in the college crawl
Well, I been a boozin' bastard
They're callin' me Edward Forty-hands, I can't touch anyone
With an enemy like me, who would need a friend?
Never mind, I'm drunk
Well, we've had enough power since the blackout started
For an EKG for the broken-hearted
I'd try to see the glass as half full
But I'd probably just drink that too
Glass half full, I'd probably just drink that too

Well, I'm the reason they call it an "Irish Goodbye"
And I hope I don't choke on my vomit tonight
Well, I bet that the bottle of brandy's so bitter'd
Be better than bitin' the bullet and betterin' myself
Sorry if I slur
Take my anxiety and my sobriety
I'll kill two birds with one stoner
So if you see me please, take my keys
I don't wanna be an organ donor
Well, we've had enough power since the blackout started
For an EKG for the broken-hearted
I'd try to see the glass as half full
But I'd probably just drink that too
Glass half full, I'd probably just drink that too
♪
Well, I'm going down, and I'm taking you with me
I'm bringing the water to the horse
So bring me the hair of the dog that bit me
So I can clone it and have a little more, haha
♪
Well, we've had enough power since the blackout started
For an EKG for the broken-hearted
I'd try to see the glass as half full
Even when I'm empty, half full
I try to see the glass as half full
But I'd probably just-
(Aah!)
Glass half full, I'd probably just drink that too
I'd probably just drink that too
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer
You take one down, pass it around, 92 bottles of beer on the wall
76 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer
You take on down, pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall
(W!)