It's marvellous to me the way some people lead their lives
Especially the men who've got what we call nagging wives
And really it's quite simple folks as far as I can see
Now married men just use your brains and take a tip from me
Oh she's never been seen since then, she's never been seen since then
My old girl, what a proper nark
I took her for a walk with me one night around the park
We were going by the lake and it had only just gone dark
And she's never been seen since then,
No, she's never been seen since then
Oh she's never been seen since then, she's never been seen since then
Her father told her that she was a pest
She ran away to London 'cause she thought it was the best
She couldn't find a room so she stayed in a sailor's rest
And she's never been seen since then, no, never been seen since then
Oh she's never been seen since then, never been seen since then
Someone said, "What a silly ass"
She didn't care a bit, she had a face as bold as brass
One night she struck a match to put a penny in the gas
And she's never been seen since then, no, never been seen since then
Oh she's never been seen since then, she's never been seen since then
My best pal, boy named Wood
Said he'd tame his ma-in-law but found he never could
One night he took her on a bridge and someone heard a thud
And she's never been seen since then, no, never been seen since then
Oh, she's never been seen since then, she's never been seen since then
Married one year, had an awful life
Asked me how I'd like a woman like her for my wife
I said what, and you a butcher with a chopper and a knife?
And she's never been seen since then, no, never been seen since then