Now isn't it disgusting how some vulgar folks behave
When they sit down to eat their food
My father was a baker, so I'm quite well bread you see
And no one's more particular when eating food than me
To give you information I am able
On how you should behave when at the table
Never use your fingers when you're eating stew
Wipe your plate with bread just like the big pots do
Peas should not be eaten with a knife it's true
Eat 'em from the saucepan like the big pots do
Never put both elbows on the table when you eat
Leave a bit of room for the other folk to "park" their feet
Always hold your kipper in one hand, not two
And wave it when you're talking like the big pots do
Soup should not be eaten with a sponge, oh no!
Gargle it quite loudly like the big pots do
When you're eating winkles and the pins are few
Smash 'em with a hammer like the big pots do
Watermelons make you rather damp behind the ears
Onions are pathetic and they make you melt in tears
When you eat these dainties you might get wet through
So wear a bathing costume like the big pots do
Smoke between the courses that's the fashion new
Leave the fag ends on the plate just like the big pots do
If your playful hostess throws a roll at you
Smack her with a jelly like the big pots do
When you're eating ices here's a wheeze that you can crack
Ices look so pretty sliding down a ladies back
If the spoons are silver, pocket one or two
To add to your collection like the big pots do