Talk of your beautiful meadows and fields and your parks so grand
Talk of your wonderful gardens down at Kew
I know a spot
That can beat all the lot
It's the best I've seen!
Keep all your hills and dales
Put me with the slugs and snails!
In a little Wigan garden
Where the dandelions grow
With me sweetie, frowsy Flo
Round the mulberry bush we go!
Underneath the Wigan palm trees
There I bring her up to scratch
We have such a game
On the cucumber frame
I'd show her the cabbage patch!
When the morning mildew christens our shallots
Scented breezes coming from the chimney pots!
In a little Wigan garden
When the soot is fallin' down
Oh what a place
What a case
A disgrace to my home town!
All sorts of things
Some with wings
Some with stings
Every night appear
Glow worms
And silkworms
And Wigan earwigs too!
Crocuses croak
With the fog and the smoke
From the gasworks near
The one thing that only grows
Is the wart on me sweetie's nose!
In a little Wigan garden
With me little Wiganese
Getting stung with bumble bees
Between the cabbage and the peas!
'Neath the Wigan water lillies
Where the drainpipe overflows
Here's my girl and me
She'll sit on me knee
And watch how the rhubarb grows!
'Neath the shady trees to my loved one I cling
While the birds above do everythin' but sing!
It's a rotten Wigan garden
Everything grows upside down!
Oh what a place
What a case
A disgrace to my home town!